The Profile Dossier: Keanu Reeves, Hollywood's Most Gracious Actor
"If you have been brutally broken but still have the courage to be gentle to other living beings, then you’re a badass with a heart of an angel."
Keanu Reeves is no stranger to tragedy.
Born in Beirut, Reeves's early life was marked with turbulence and instability. He was only 3 years old when his father left the family, and the last time they spoke was when Reeves was 13 years old. In 1994, his father was arrested with large quantities of heroin and cocaine, and sentenced to 10 years in jail. He was released in 1996.
Reeves refuses to discuss his relationship with his father, only saying, “The story with me and my dad’s pretty heavy. It’s full of pain and woe and f*cking loss and all that sh*t.”
Throughout his childhood, Reeves and his sister would move around with their mother to Hawaii, Australia, and New York before settling in Toronto. Reeves attended four different high schools in the span of five years.
Reeves struggled with academics because of his dyslexia, but he found a passion for theater when he was only 9 years old. He dropped out of his fourth high school to pursue acting, and after moving to Los Angeles in 1986, Reeves landed his career-launching role in the science fiction comedy film Bill and Ted.
But before long, tragedy struck again.
In 1991, his younger sister was diagnosed with leukemia that she battled for years. Reeves started a private foundation that donates to children’s hospitals and cancer research.
In 1999, just as Reeves gained national acclaim for his role as Neo in the iconic film The Matrix, he and his longtime girlfriend Jennifer Syme were expecting their first child. In December of that year, their daughter Ava was stillborn at eight months on Christmas Eve. Unable to recover from the grief, Reeves and Syme ended their relationship, but remained close friends.
Eighteen months later, Syme passed out at the wheel, collided with three parked cars, and was thrown from the car. She died in the accident.
“Grief changes shape, but it never ends,” Reeves once said. “People have a misconception that you can deal with it and say, ‘It’s gone, and I’m better.’ They’re wrong. When the people you love are gone, you’re alone.”
Reeves has become a legendary actor, producer, and director, but he also has a reputation for being a genuinely good person. He's become known for his random acts of kindness, of which there are many.
We've seen him giving up his seat on a crowded subway to a woman with a large bag, jumping out of a car to autograph a sign he saw on a fan's lawn, and hanging out with a homeless man on the side streets of West Hollywood.
Despite everything he's been through, Reeves teaches us that tragedy can be used to create a beautiful life filled with joy and kindness. Remember, there is no light without darkness.
"If you have been brutally broken but still have the courage to be gentle to other living beings,” he says, “then you’re a badass with a heart of an angel."
READ.
On leading a private life: When the writer of this profile asks Reeves about how his father's absence affected him, he responds with: "Gosh. In so many ways. I’m not filling that in, man. I’m not.” Reeves is extremely private, and he refuses to divulge anything about his childhood, his father, his sister's leukemia, or his own feelings about it all. Reeves makes no apologies for preserving his privacy. For him, it's as simple as: "I don’t really want to tell you.”
On coping with trauma: Reeves has endured severe personal tragedy, but in this profile, we learn how he channels it into his work. In fact, he saw his grief as one of the foundations for the role for his character John Wick. “Well, for the character and in life, it’s about the love of the person you’re grieving for, and any time you can keep company with that fire, it is warm," he says. "I absolutely relate to that, and I don’t think you ever work through it. Grief and loss, those are things that don’t ever go away. They stay with you.”
On the real Keanu Reeves: There have been plenty of memes of Reeves — Sad Keanu, Sadder Keanu, and Conspiracy Keanu. But who exactly is the real Keanu? He's kind. He's funny. He's quiet. In this GQ profile, the writer notes: "Mostly, the Reeves you find out about when you call his friends on the phone seems remarkably normal—but a little lonely, a little haunted."
On his favorite things: In this Reddit AMA, you see Reeves's playful side. You'll learn that his ideal breakfast is granola with milk and a cappuccino, what he thinks the secret to happiness is, and why he loves Wolverine.
…Want more deep dives of interesting people? In your inbox every Sunday:
WATCH.
On finding his passion for acting: Reeves's love for acting began in second grade when a group of actors came in to do afternoon theater games with the kids. "I remember looking at them the same way a boy would look at a fireman or a policeman," he says. "There was something about these people that I was drawn to." This is a great interview with Reeves about his upbringing, his passion for his craft, and why he never succumbed to the pressure that comes with fame.
On living life on his own terms: Reeves says it's always been his goal to do different genres of movies and develop different skills as a result. "I enjoy what I do," he says, "And I like doing weird shit." How does he pick roles? Easy — it needs to be collaborative and fun. This podcast goes into Reeves's process about how he thinks about acting, producing, and choosing films.
On making his directorial debut: In this interview, Reeves discusses his directorial debut of "Man of Tai Chi." He directs and stars in the film, which follows the spiritual journey of a young martial artist. "We were developing the script, and there's an idea of control, subservience, free will, and being seduced by your own passion." Reeves explains how he plays with various storytelling elements that you see manifest in his films.
LISTEN.
On finding calm: Even though he may appear calm, Reeves's internal state is anything but. "No, I'm not zen about anything," Reeves says. "I'm a fretter. I'm a concern-er." The creative act, he says, is inherently reserved for those who are a tad bit anxious because it's passion. How does he get out of his own head? "Nowadays, I just go for a motorcycle ride, breathe, drive kind of fast," he says.
TECHNIQUES TO TRY.
Stay hyper-focused on the right things: What drives you? If it's money, you might see yourself burning out quickly. Reeves doesn't see money as the end goal. He sees it as a tool to do something good in the world. "Money doesn’t mean anything to me," he says. "I’ve made a lot of money, but I want to enjoy life and not stress myself building my bank account. I give lots away and live simply, mostly out of a suitcase in hotels. We all know that good health is much more important." Define your values, figure out what actually matters, focus on the non-material blessings in your life, and you'll find your purpose.
Use your money with purpose: Remember, Reeves is worth over $360 million, and he still rides the subway. Money doesn't change you, it just magnifies who you already were. Reeves handed over a percentage of his profits from "The Matrix" sequels to the franchise's special-effects and costume-design team because he felt "they were the ones who made the movie and that they should participate." Another time, he shaved his salary by a few million dollars so producers of The Devil's Advocate could afford Al Pacino. He did the same thing on The Replacements to be able to work with Gene Hackman. It's not about having money — it's what you do with it that maters.
Seek out opportunities that help you grow: In a 2001 Wall Street Journal profile of Reeves, the writer notes that the actor "defies the traditional norms of building a career in Hollywood, refusing to pick projects that could build him a reputation as a reliable marquee name." That's because Reeves is relentless about seeking unusual roles that will stretch him as an actor and a human. He has dabbled in just about every genre — action, comedy, drama, thriller, and romance.
Take the red pill: The most famous scene in "The Matrix" is when Reeves's character Neo is offered the choice between taking the red pill or the blue pill. The red pill would free him from the enslaving control of the machine-generated dream world while the blue pill represents a beautiful prison of comfort within the simulated reality of the Matrix. It begs the question — Is it better to free your mind? Or live in blissful ignorance? "The red pill, to me, is a kind of symbolic taking of the torch of trying to understand,” he says. “It represents the best of who we could possibly be to ourselves and other people."
Stop acting like a zombie: Many of us go through our lives on auto-pilot. We drift through the day as if the world revolves around us, our jobs, and our problems. We’re the main act; everyone else just plays a supporting role. "Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily lives that we forget to take the time out to enjoy the beauty in life," Reeves says. "It’s like we’re zombies. Look up and take your headphones out. Say 'Hi' to someone you see and maybe give a hug to someone who looks like they’re hurting." Becoming more aware opens you up to the tiny beautiful things all around you. "The simple act of paying attention can take you a long way," Reeves says.
You can always make time to be a good person: When Reeves was filing John Wick 3 in New York City, it would take him 30 minutes to cover a 3-minute walk from his apartment to the gym because he couldn't say no to fans asking him for a photo. He'd even let fans walk with him, share their ideas, and talk about movies. Another time, he stopped to buy an ice cream cone just so he could autograph the receipt for a young fan. Reeves understands that a few minutes of his time could make a stranger's entire life. Remember, there's always time to commit an act of kindness.
Life without love is a prison sentence: Reeves has had many opportunities to lose hope and give up on love — yet he hasn't. "I guess living without love, without experiencing it or being able to give it is pretty strong punishment," he says. In the end, he's concluded that even in the face of tragedy, you can still thrive. Take his word for it — he's living proof. "No matter what’s going on in your life, you can overcome it," Reeves says. "Life is worth living.”
QUOTES TO REMEMBER.
"If you have been brutally broken but still have the courage to be gentle to other living beings, then you’re a badass with a heart of an angel."
"Grief changes shape, but it never ends."
"Try to be wrong once in a while, it’ll do your ego good."
"You have to change your life if you’re not happy, and wake up if things aren’t going the way you want."
"The person who was holding me back from my happiness was me."
"When you truly understand karma, then you realize you are responsible for everything in your life. It is incredibly empowering to know that your future is in your hands."
"Sometimes, the simple things are the most difficult things to achieve."
"Every struggle in your life has shaped you into the person you are today. Be thankful for the hard times, they can only make you stronger."
"Art is about trying to find the good in people and making the world a more compassionate place."
"Sometimes enemies are our best teachers. People can learn from their mistakes. Destruction sometimes means rebirth."
Thank you very much for this. Speaking as a human and as an artist...
Keanu shows that kindness and resilience matter. A few minutes for others, and holding onto love despite heartbreak — that’s real strength. https://soflowheelielife.org