How Weak Social Ties Can Have a Meaningful Effect on Our Happiness

“Weak ties are what bring in surprise and unpredictability into your life."

What I missed most about living in New York may come as a surprise: It was the random, tiny interactions I had with strangers on a daily basis.

Isn’t it weird that I missed … talking to strangers?

I had taken for granted the “weak ties” — the casual relationships with the people I encountered in the coffee shop, the bookstore, or in the elevator. When you live in the suburbs, you typically drive to an office and then back home. Random interactions with strangers become a rarity.

I was recently listening to a ‘Hidden Brain’ episode on this very topic, and I realized something profound: deep, meaningful relationships with friends and family are just as important as the weak, casual relationships with strangers. “Weak ties are what bring in surprise and unpredictability into your life,” says host Shankar Vedantam.

Psychologist Gillian Sandstrom told Vedantam that she’s visited new countries, learned new things, and joined a book club as a result of talking to strangers in her everyday life. “I’ve talked to freemasons, I’ve talked to someone who makes theatrical wigs, I’ve talked to children’s book authors,” she says. “I’ve just met all sorts really interesting people and had all sorts of interesting conversations.”

The pandemic plunged us into a deep drought of human contact, making us feel lonelier, more isolated, and emotionally drained. It tore apart the social fabric that made speaking to strangers a somewhat radical act.

But research supports that speaking to strangers has a subtle but significant effect on our happiness. It turns out that the seemingly trivial social encounters — chatting up a person in the elevator, making small talk with the Starbucks barista, or even just smiling at a passerby — can have profound positive changes in your mood

The weak social ties you develop also build community. The barista that knows your coffee order, the hair stylist who tells you about her summer plans, and the dentist you’ve known for 10 years — they’re all part of your own personal community.

People often talk about moving out of big cities to the suburbs in search of “community,” but ironically, it’s possible to accidentally isolate yourself by eliminating these micro-moments you have with strangers if you’re not intentional about seeking them out.

Weak ties bring surprise and novelty. You could learn something new or meet someone wildly fascinating. Remember, small talk doesn’t have to be empty talk. Those frequent opportunities for connection might actually be one of the most valuable parts of your day.

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